Wednesday, January 16, 2013

To Lose is to Love.

I knew this was coming from the second I developed feelings for her. But I kept injecting myself with her poisonous energy to keep me alive. My love for her isn't enough anymore I don't think. She can do so much better than me. Her emotions deserve it, her heart deserves it, and her mind deserves a break from this turmoil. I don't want to be the anchor that holds her back. I can't stop loving her, but it will take the brightest part of my love to watch her leave and become happy. Of course I would do everything I could to support her if she was to stay, but I can't make her want that. I can't make her want to be with me. 
It's pretty inevitable as I see it. But this love that I have, I don't look at as a waste, or at least I try my damnedest not to. Her and I have shared so much joy and so much pain we've been everywhere emotionally. I'd be mad not to cherish it.
I have to let her go. It isn't right for me an my adoration for her to drag down her fate. There isn't anything here for her. She has so much talent. She will have more opportunities there. 
I will dry up here in this Mississippi air. This is my fate. To continue to get emotionally destroyed, and I will once more be alone... Happiness. It will surely leave with her. Maybe the time we had together should be viewed as a sort of mental totem. For example, when in the future the universe decides to shit on me, the tendrils of my thoughts will slither to that special place inside, and wrap around her smile. But when the day comes for her to leave me I'll say that I'm happy for her as she shakes her principal's hand. I'll seem happy for her when I see her taking snap shots afterwards. I'll look content when I see them kiss, but when I see her for the final time, I'll be happy I love her.

1 comment:

  1. What can I say! You, my young friend, are doing fine from what I see. Don't let go. Never let go! You've made a larger impression than you think. It's in the eyes, the way you are looked at when you don't know you are being observed, devoured and filed away in her heart.

    Oh, and I do like the writings. Please don't stop. I started, similarly, long years ago, and then I stopped. Sorry I am that I did. There would be so much to compare to, but then the past is not what's important. It's now. We live for today. Don't forget that.